


i hate myself and i want to die

by ApplePlaceEvan



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Drabble, Fluffy, Kisses, M/M, Self Loathing, Self depreciation, Short, angsty, arin sucks at video games, but danny loves him, he hates himself, i suck at tagging???, just a writing warmup tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 23:17:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11278815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApplePlaceEvan/pseuds/ApplePlaceEvan
Summary: "That's what the people want to see: me failing. It's one of those 'funny 'cause it's true' dealios.""A-Arin?"





	i hate myself and i want to die

**Author's Note:**

> very heavily inspired by https://spoofygrump.tumblr.com/post/161986930485/eggobang-theres-not-a-single-person-that-i-love
> 
> title from a nirvana song
> 
> comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated!! :D tysm for reading!

“FUCK!” Arin shouted, dying in a game for the millionth time. The humor had almost worn off of it for Dan, and he realized that Arin was getting a bit more angry than usual. 

 

“Woah, that’s enough for you, big cat. Next time on game grumps!” The two sat in silence for a couple seconds, which was quite a rare occurrence. Arin let out a small chuckle. “Wow, I fucking sucked.” 

 

“Yeah, it was,” Dan trailed off, wanting to choose his words carefully. “Pretty bad.” Arin brought his hand up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why do you do this to yourself, man?” Danny asked, half jokingly and half inquisitive. Arin slumped back into the soft cushions of the couch. 

 

“Oh, y’know. That’s what the people want to see: me failing.” He looked at his lap and sighed. “Yeah, it’s like one of those ‘funny ‘cause it’s true’ dealios.” With a shaky voice, Dan asked, “A-Arin?” Throughout his entire life, Arin had never been super confident in himself. Starting Game Grumps and realizing that more people than just Suzy liked him was definitely a confidence boost, although it could only do so much. His friends tried their best to make sure that he felt loved. To make sure that he felt needed. Of course, that didn’t completely get rid of his intrusive thoughts. The comments on videos didn’t help, either. 

 

“holy fuck, arin sucks”

 

“Give the controller to Danny, at least he’s funny” 

 

“goddamn, i can’t believe arin has to google the answers to games, he’s so stupid lol” 

 

Arin leaned forward, resting his arms across his knees. He lifted up his hand to nervously scratch the back of his neck. “I mean, that’s it, right?” He gulped. “They like seeing me fail because I really am a failure.” 

 

Danny grabbed Arin’s shoulders and turned so that they were facing each other. He looked into Arin’s eyes, seeing nothing but worry. 

 

“Listen to me; you’ve done nothing but good shit for people since day one. Good shit for  _ me,  _ Arin.” Dan thought back to the days when they first met. The days when Ninja Sex Party was going nowhere. The days when he was broke, doing nothing but getting high. He thought about how absolutely miserable his life would be if he never found Arin. 

 

“You’re creative, and funny, and you’re…” Dan found himself getting lost in Arin’s eyes. They were glossy with tears that never fell, beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. He casted his gaze slightly lower, looking at Arin’s lips. They were plump and soft, glistening like he had just licked them. 

 

“You’re,” Danny picked back up. “The most incredible person I -” 

 

Arin pressed his lips against Dan’s. His fingers found his way into Dan’s hair, slightly pulling him closer. Their lips moved together in perfect union. It was like they were made for each other. Arin realized that Dan loved him. It was a different love. A caring love. He knew that Dan would protect him - both from commenters and his own negative thoughts. 

 

Danny relaxed into Arin’s grasp. His eyes slid shut, focusing on Arin’s touch. It felt hot and electric against his skin. He could cuddle into Arin like it was a cold december night and he was the only source of heat. He made his heart swell and burst. At times like these, when Arin hated himself, it felt like someone stuck a pin in his chest and deflated it. 

 

The kiss ended, both boys out of breath and slightly panting. Danny smiled lovingly at Arin, pecking him on the nose. The blue screen of the forgotten TV bathed them in cool light. Their hearts were beating in sync. No words were needed for the connection they felt.


End file.
